Prometheus review

We caved in and saw Prometheus yesterday, thinking it might be watchable. It wasn’t. The trailer was interesting enough;

but the overall sentiment the film left me with was disappointment.What bugs me most about this movie is the pro-Christian theme. The scientist find it more far fetched that we might have evolved from other species on Earth then that some alien albino was dumped here to die to create humans after his friends in the flying saucer left (thus making it impossible for any ancient society to have gotten the information on where to find these Creators, much less paint them in various caves). We are apparently separate from nature (= special and above everything else) just as the Bible tells us! Also, we learn that it’s a part of the human condition to be Christian and so curious enough to turn ones back on everything known to spend a potential lifetime in a very black space ship with the gorgeous head of a robot in ones Quest for God. That’s how committed we Real humans are. And faithful. And those who aren’t Believers simply don’t survive alien attacks because God only protects his Chosen Ones.

I did find three small refreshing things in the movie: 1) they chose the African continent when they had to pick one to represent Earth, NOT North America 2) the sole survivor was a woman (even though she admittedly was dependent on a manbot) 3) the scanning balls. I’d like one of those.

After the sheer number of end-of-the-world movies I’ve seen, I consider myself qualified to give some advice on the subject, so I decided to make a handy do’s and don’t’s list for ridiculously risky expeditions. Most non-Americans (save for the odd French and British citizen), women, non-Christians and minorities need not concern themselves with the following advice as they are neither attention seeking/brave/stupid nor well funded enough to attempt such an expedition.

DO

• bring weapons – scientific expedition or not!
  You’ll do well with guns and insecticides, as they have proven effective against the most probable threat you’ll have to defend yourselves against: aliens with human (size and/or body shape) and insect-like features. You may be safe to assume that any lifeforms you’ll encounter will be hostile and attack for no good reason. If not:
• provoke any lifeforms you meet, known or unknown, by poking or otherwise drawing attention to yourself; it makes for a much more interesting outing.

DON’T

• go at all!
  Regardless of the size of the team,only 1-2 people will survive, and chances are it won’t be you. Especially don’t go if you are 1) annoying 2) ugly 3) greedy/evil/non-Christian 4) black (see next point:)
• be friendly with the one black guy on the team, as he is bound to die at some point (though not first – that would be racist).
• bring relatives to confined spaces, such as ships, as it’s bound to create conflict if there wasn’t some already, witch will inevitably result in tension and an unhealthy workplace (Star Wars, Armageddon)
• run forward when confronted with large, long falling objects, such as trees, lampposts or cheerio-shaped space ships – DO turn to either side and run that way instead!